You know what is worse then being told you have a lump in your breast? Having to tell your husband you have a lump in your breast. Trust me…I know.
A few weeks ago I had a routine check up and the nurse practitioner found a lump. The only good thing was that she told me it had all the characteristics of being a cyst. It was mobile, firm (but not rock hard), and fairly large. She also told me that 80% of lumps are cysts. Next step was getting an ultra sound. She told me that if it is a cyst, it would appear as a large black circle on the ultrasound because liquid shows up as black. I also knew that ultra sound technicians are not allowed to tell you anything, so I felt ahead of the game knowing that black was good.
I was lucky I only had to wait 2 days until the ultra sound, and I cannot tell you how happy I was when I saw a black circle!! It was pitch black, similar to this image (thanks Google).The technician did come back and tell me it was a cyst. Yeah! I wanted to go out and celebrate, but I still felt a little uneasy knowing that the lump could have been cancer. I didn’t really let myself think that it was cancer. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if it was. I thought that the ultra sound wasn’t going to be 100% clear and because of my medical history they would have required more testing, but in the end it would be a cyst. I am so thankful it was a cyst. Thyroid cancer sucks, but breast is a whole new level. Even though I only had to wait 2 days, it was tough.
Like I said before…telling John was one of the worst things I’ve had to do. I know that if the situation was reversed I would have been a lot more worried. I feel guilty that I put him through so much more stress/worry. I should take the brunt of it right? I’m the one with the illness. It doesn’t seem fair.