Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Mini Emotional Update

Sorry for the lack of posts. I really thought I would be gung-ho after my surgery and be posting like a stay at home wife! Well that wasn't really the case. I was actually able to enjoy these last two days to some extent, but the reality of having cancer set in and I wasn't really in the mood to do anything.

I'm down to a half of a vicodin and a Tylenol every four hours, and I realized that w/ the reduction of the pain meds has probably caused my emotions come to the surface. I had the 'why me' breakdown this morning. It kind of took me by surprise, but I now realize how traumatic this whole experience has been/is. I do know that I will be fine, but after hearing that the tumor was larger than the Dr. had expected, and that the cancer had started to breech the thyroid into the rest of my body has made me extremely unsettled. I have my post-opp appointment tomorrow to find out what the next steps will be. The Dr. did say that I will for sure have to have the radiation therapy (pills) in a few weeks. I think I will feel better once I hear what the chances are of me having another surgery. I'm thinking they might have to remove my lymph-nods? I really have no idea, but I do NOT want to have another surgery. I couldn't imagine if he only had removed half of my thyroid and then I had to go back and have this same surgery in a few weeks to get the other half!

Granted this was my first surgery, but I had no idea how debilitating it would be and how much it's affected the everyday things in my life. If I have to have another surgery some day would it be less traumatic? I can't imagine going through a surgery w/ a longer recovery time. I've only had 2 real semi normal days, and already I'm tried of not being 100%.

I do go back to work tomorrow. I definitely don't want to go back, although I'm sure it will be good for me. I'm a little scared of how my neck will feel w/o having a head rest for a long period of time. I'm thinking I may have to move one of the larger conference room chairs to my desk, so we will see.

I'm hoping that I will feel better tomorrow after I see my doctor. Hopefully that will be the does of good news that I will need. I know I could be a lot worse off having a more serious case of cancer and having to go to through kemo and lose my hair. I couldn't imagine dealing with that.

I do have some good photos to share w/ you, as John mentioned in the previous post... along w/ a few interesting stories from my visit at the hospital. I'm hoping later on this week I will feel up to writing about them.

Thanks again for all of your prayers and well wishes. They have meant so much to me and I know are helping in my recovery.

1 comment:

jenna said...

I can only imagine what you must be feeling like! I'm sure everything you're feeling is normal and I do hope you got some good news at your drs appt. We'll keep praying that recovery goes well and that you only hear good news from now on!