Monday, June 9, 2008

Nature's Garbage Disposal

You know it really amazes me…just when I think I have run out of ideas to blog about, the blogging gods take pity on me and answer my prayers. I will admit that I haven’t had the easiest time coming up with topics over the last few weeks. I like to keep things light and funny, but you know really…my life really isn’t a laugh a minute. I know! Can you believe it? Shocking I’m sure.

This morning when I left for work I saw something limp and furry lying in the road about 15 feet from our house. (I was really hoping it wasn’t someone’s pet cat.) As I drove by I really didn’t want to look, but I knew I had too, and you know you would have as well. I was really lucky that there wasn't blood or guts, and that it wasn’t a cat. It was a possum, and from the looks of it I think it might have just been a head wound. Poor lil’ fella. However I think I would have had more compassion had it not looked like a GIANT RAT.

(Are you starting to wonder how this is into could possibly turn into a compelling entry?)

So I get to work and a co-worker of mine, named Ken, asked me how I liked the nice dead rat in front of my house. (He lives a few blocks away and often walks his two cute dogs by our house in the mornings.) I told him it really did not make my morning and I’m hoping someone will come and pick it up. He suggested that John could make some possum stew for dinner…uh…no thanks.

Lunchtime rolls around and I head home to meet John. As I walk into the house, John says:

‘I'm so glad you didn't disturb the birds.’

Excuse me?

‘Check out our buddies on the front lawn.’

I look through our kitchen window to see two HUGE turkey vultures! One standing guard and one GNAWING AWAY AT THE BLOODY POSSUM CARCASS!!!!! It was SO GROSS!

I then got really mad thinking that someone threw that bloody body in our yard! I mean it’s bad enough to have poop in your yard, but a decaying animal? Come on! What will be next? A human limb?

John said he thought that the vultures might have moved the body into our yard. Aren’t they smart? They didn’t want to be dodging cars while enjoying their all you can eat buffet.

Soon after my anger died ed down came the embarrassment. We live right on a corner where a lot of people drive by. I can’t imagine how pleasant it must have been for our neighbors to see the two vultures chowing down like it's Thanksgiving! I only saw a few cars drive by, but about half of them drove by really slowly. I even saw one do a double take! SO EMBARRASSING!

The one vulture that was standing guard totally creeped me out. Like was he on attack mode? Could there have been a fight to the death with one of the neighborhood dogs if he came by to find out where the smell of death was coming from? I did see the birds switch rolls at one point. It was just so unsettling. Here they are during the festivity:

So John and I eat our lunch…all the while I’m trying block out the image of the bird ripping off the bloody chunks of flesh. Somehow I managed, but I have no idea how. I guess I was lucky that I wasn't eating tomato sauce.

As we were getting read to leave John ran back into the living room (from the kitchen), saying that he thinks a guy just drove by to pick up the possum! I totally didn’t think he was telling me the truth, but then he said that he was parked in the driveway!

So we crept back into the kitchen all quiet and hunched over, hoping that the dude doesn’t realize we are home. However we did have two cars parked outside, so I have the feeling he must have known someone was there!

So I grab the camera and capture this disgusting event on film. (You are lucky that the quality of the video greatly decreased after I uploaded it.)

John was crouching down right next to me, so that is why I tried to get him on the vid at the end.

Meanwhile I am already about 5 minutes late to head back to work, but then I can’t leave because his car is parked behind mine! Then after he got into his car it looked like he was writing up a report. I’m sure it included under observations: ‘Saw a glimpse of the home owners who were hiding behind their kitchen table.’

Finally he left and John said that I could always tell my boss that the reason I was late was because a county vehicle was blocking my car because he had to pick up a dead possum in my yard. And if that didn’t work I could tell her to ask Ken because he could back me up on this one.


Sarah said...

I love the surveillance video. And I'm sure the dead animal dude didn't notice some chick shushing her hubby and trying to hide behind the clear glass window and opened blinds.

Mauleigh said...

Amber! First opossums ARE giant rats. Second, in West Virginia citizens can pick up road kill if they promise to eat it. Third, that opossum had to come from somewhere, Let's hope it was from under your house.

Lori said...

Take it from me, I feel your pain. We had a family of raccoons living in our attic, and another raccoon intruder came in, and there WAS literally a fight to the death over my nice warm attic. we listened from our bed to the raccoons fighting above us.

At the time, we didn't realize there had been a "murder", til...the smell. The guy who came to remove the dead raccoon was gagging and carrying on that he had never seen anything so disgusting.

So just be glad it didn't happen INSIDE your house. You'd never forget the smell. Eeeewwww.

(Sorry for the gross out...hope you are otherwise well!)

jay said...

That reminds me of the dead possum that slowly decayed in front my window at 2192 Beebee back in the day... I didn't realize what it was until the smell started to go away after a few weeks, and I found a skeleton in the front yard...

Also reminds me of the time a few years ago when Ella (the dog) killed a possum in our back yard... I wasn't sure if it was 'playing possum', but since it was covered in blood, I figured it was dead. I picked it up the exact same way, and tossed that maggot and flea infested heap in the trash can... then discovered Ella was also covered in fleas...

I think you're not actually supposed to throw dead animals in the trash, but luckily nothing happened.

Judy S said...

I think your boss would accept the video as evidence of your being trapped in your own driveway.

Lori, I can't even imagine the stench of a dead racoon in the attic. Yech!

Amber said...

So SO SOOOOO funny, because you're WHISPERING! LOL - like you'd disturb anyone.

But I got you one better - I had 3 room mates once, ALL guys, all but one hunters. Like, honest if it died they wanted it on the wall. One day I go to the deep freeze to get some hamburger and there's this giant, thick plastic sheeting in there and I grab at it to move it, dumping out it's was a FREAKING BEAVER! WHOLE!

I attacked my room mate and was like WTF!? He said he found it in the front yard and since it's winter he had to bring it in somewhere so that it wouldn't get eaten by other animals....ugh WHAT!? Keep it off my damned food man!