30/20

The last time I went to the eye doctor was 7 or 8 years ago. It was local and I’ve actually had the same glasses since then.

A few weeks ago I saw my eye doctor in VONS. (This was not the first sighting I had of him there either.) He’s quite rememberable as he wears dress loafers with no socks. I know what you are thinking, and no he does not think he's Don Johnson.

So this last time I saw him in there I pointed him out to John. Like John even cared? He humors me though, as I still get excited when I recognize someone in public.

So we get in line and the Dr. gets behind me. John gets this real strange look on his face and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to send me a signal or if he was having some gas. I totally failed on my signal reading skills because on the way out John tried to tell me that my Dr. was our neighbor. Yeah right! I think I would have recognized him since I spy on all of our neighbors.

John is convinced that he is our neighbor who drives a blue Mercedes with a frame around the license plate that says ‘shaggin’ wagon.’ I kept telling him he was wrong, so when we get in the car he sees my doc walking to his car…so we follow him, as John is SO sure of himself.

We pass by the aisle with his car and SURE ENOUGH he’s loading bags into the shaggin’ wagon!!! I almost died! I still argued with John, how that could not be our neighbor, and maybe it was another blue Mercedes. I told him we had to follow him home to make sure. So we pulled to the side in an empty parking space and turned off our lights and slid down in our seats. Totally not obvious. The doc drove by and we followed….one turn closer to home…another closer to home…and then he turns down our street!!! Can you believe my doctor has lived at the end of our street for the last two and a half years and I NEVER recognized him! What kills me even more is that stinkin’ 20/20 recognized him from just seeing him driving the shaggin’ wagon! I can never even tell if it’s a male or female driving that car!

What is worse is that we had nicknamed that neighbor the alcoholic because we’d see the car always leaving and coming back after quick periods of time, and once we saw the car parked at our local liquor store. I know that is a really weak reason to give them the nickname, but at least we didn’t call them the meth users or the little ‘ole whore house of SLO.

Fast-forward to today…I finally went in for an eye check up. (It had been so long that I wasn’t even in their computer system anymore!) I meet my doctor and tell him we are neighbors. I could tell it didn’t ring any bells, so I told him how I’m the neighbor who sun bathes nude in the driveway. Then the light bulb went off! Just kidding! He did say that he doesn’t see us that much, which is true, I mean we only really do yard work maybe once a month. Ok, maybe I only do yard work once a month. John does mow our lawns at least a few times a month.

I had a really nice check up with him, and once again his attire did not fail me. Collared short sleeved shirt buttoned to the top, (a-la Steve Sanders), docker style shorts, and loafers with no socks. No joke. It's like he's putting it in all of the sock wearers faces. His style is so unique that it makes me like him even more!!

I didn’t have the guts to ask him about the ‘shaggin’ wagon.’ That might have to wait for the next check up. Plus…do I really want to hear the answer?